Tuesday, April 10, 2012

We are now an episode of Full House... you know, minus the dead Mom.


             If you don't know me personally, the cupcake was pink, which means Girl # 3 is on the way. There are many reasons why this is awesome, and many reasons why this is challenging. First and foremost, Mr. Wonderful has the sad puppy dog look in his eyes when I tell him that this is it, the baby factory is shutting down. Men want boys. Clearly, everyone, Mr. Wonderful included, wants a healthy baby, but everyone has that slight tug on their heartstrings in one direction or another, pink or blue. This is understandable, and I hope his second wife is up for having a boy. My ideal son would be gay; I am not built for raising a heterosexual male child. I don't have any brothers, and now having three girls, I am totally in girl mode. I don't like noise, or messes, or clumsy elephants stomping through my house. I have little to no interest in sitting through thousands of hours of games, travel teams, and having an entire Sports Authority worth of athletic equipment stinking up my foyer.  Athletic cups? Barf. 
    ....and this is just what's actually covering the front steps...

          Three girls are no picnic either; I see three proms, three boyfriends, and three weddings. There is also the in between; the clothes, the makeup, the periods, and the drama. For example, Princess Particular had a birthday party to go to yesterday. She wore her Easter dress, (which she is still wearing; she refuses to take it off, telling me she looks extremely beautiful in it) and since the party was at a park, I negotiated with her to wear sneakers. Her compromise was to bring her Easter shoes, which have a super fancy 1 inch heel to wear for the cake cutting. Mind you, she thinks these are 6 inch Louboutins. Mr. Wonderful calls them "cake shoes" and looks a little bewildered at the whole situation. 
            After being pregnant with my third child, I have found that my size 8 feet have grown to tranny size monstrosities, and I sometimes deny this by squeezing into shoes that clearly don't fit. On Easter Sunday, I am carefully walking to church in one such pair of shoes, and Princess Particular is walking at the absolute slowest pace in front of me. My goal is to make a beeline for my seat so I don't have to walk anywhere for an hour. When I ask her to move a little faster, she gives me the bitchiest look she can muster, and says, "Mom. I am in high heels here." Oh. Sorry. 
                Multiplying all of this girl joy by three is a little scary, but exciting. Princess Particular is a great big sister, and Squeakers will be a great little sister and big sister. Mr. Wonderful is the perfect Dad for three girls; he's scary when he needs to be, and a teddy bear the rest of the time. They completely manipulate him, and I think he likes it. He should begin construction on his man cave though, just so he can maintain his sanity. I, however, am going to put in an immediate request with Mr. Wonderful to build them their own bathroom. Actually, scratch that... build me my own bathroom. They can call fight over the other one. I'm worth it. 

1 comment:

  1. Love it again! Very well written and hilarious!!
    Keep writing - brings so much enjoyment!